Jun
Brawlesque

Full Metal Jackie, #M16

On this Sunday evening the 25th of June 2017, El Paso is trying to keep cool during record high temperatures.  We here at Sun City Roller Girls however are preparing for the first double header of the Season.

It is 91 degrees in the Judging Arena as the beautiful Ginger Snap-YaNeck signs the National Anthem for us. Our teams are continuing to hydrate and trying to stay cool, as we wait for the much anticipated “Whistle Blow”.

First up in the Double header we have the Sexecutioners vs The Chuco Town Chulas. The Sexies are coming off a previous great win over Las Viudas Negras. And the Chulas are hoping that they can pull off a victory having only 8 Skaters against the Sexies 11. They do have one of the founders of SCRG and veteran skater Frida Krueger, an O.G Chuco Town Chula is here to Coach and guide them. Stepping up first for the Sexies in the First jam tonight is none other than Trixie Polverizer. Trixie takes off and gets lead jammer status in the first turn of La Llorona. As Chulas jammer, Lady Latte Pain, is left struggling to get through the wall made up of Sexies Captain She Lay Picosa, Lorena Bop-it, and Lily MuncHer. This blistering heat is not subsiding, but the teams are literally leaving it all on the Track! Blood Sweat and Tears! Well mostly sweat and tears, actually mostly just sweat. Sexies are really using some strategy as they gain lead jammer status in the next few multiple jams and call the jam before Chulas can score too many or no points at all. As we go into a 5-minute halftime before the 2nd half of this bout the Sexies are leading 61-28. The Chulas take a minute to regroup and come back out ready to finish the game! We start off the second half with Lady Latte Pain of the Chuco Town Chulas and Trixie Polverizer of the Sexies jamming. Lady Latte Pain makes a great move jumping the apex to avoid V.Doll Slashsoon, but it was too late as Trixie had already gained lead jammer status and makes it three times around. The girls are growing weary and the penalties are piling up. So much that in one jam with three Chulas in the Penalty Box Lady Viper took on one alone. In the end the Sexies took the W giving them a 2-0 season thus far.  MVP Blocker Awards go to Sexies Scout’s OnHer and Chulas Lady Viper. MVP Jammer awards go to Sexies Trixie Polverizer and Chulas lady Latte Pain.

As we move in to the second game of our double header this evening the clouds are moving in and it smells like the rain is upon us, giving us a bit of a cool down. Actually, the rain is here and we have a rain delay and we need to dry up the track a bit. Thank you bipolar El Paso weather, first we battled the heat and now we are battling the rain. But nothing will stand in the way of the next two teams as they prepare to skate. In the meantime, as we wait, there was a special surprise for Chuco Town Chula Penny Piston, as her boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed!!! Congratulations Penny!

The Viudas are coming into this game with 11 ladies skating tonight against Las Diablas eight girls. When Las Diablas Captain Sarcasm Scargasm was asked how they prepare to take on a team with more skaters her response was simply, “Two years ago we won a championship with nine girls. We may be outnumbered, but not out powered. We will have to play smart with strategy!” Well said Sarcasm, well said….

Sarcasm takes on Dee Dee Dynamite in the first jam. Las Diablas Blockers Invade-Her Cyn, T-Rex YourFace and Robby Osa hold Dee Dee back as Sarcasm gets lead jammer. The rain has finally stopped and the temperatures are cooler in the arena as Las Viudas are really challenging Las Diablas strategy. Dee Dee skating backwards, and knocking down Invade-Her Cyn twice in the next jam. Las Viudas Negras knock Lyfsa Peach into the rail, and continue to score points. Las Diablas T-Rex YourFace putting up a great defense in several jams to come. This game is really intense and then we come to a halt as Feral Dixon has gone down, taking a skate to the face! Now we really have blood, sweat and tears! Feral didn’t let that stop her, she rubbed some dirt on it and continued on! Las Viudas Negras blockers Nitro Jen, Dee Dee and Sinderella put up a great defense making it difficult for Invade-Her to score. We are now near the end of the game, but Las Diablas are not giving up, they attempt the infamous Panty Pass to get through the pack, they tried once before and could not get it. Even though the panty pass was successful Las Diablas had not been so lucky in this bout. Las Viudas Negras take this win. MVP Jammer awards go to Viudas Dee Dee Dynamite and Diablas Battle Angel. MVP Blocker Awards go to Viudas Rainbow Ninja, and Diablas T-Rex YourFace.

Congratulations to all the ladies out there that battled the heat and played in the rain.

And thank you SCRG Fans, it has been a pleasure to report for you this evening, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me!

Until next time… and that next time will be July 23, 2017 in our next double header as my team Las Catrinas take on Las Viudas Negras, and Las Diablas take on The Sexecutioners.

Your Truly,

Full Metal Jackie # M16

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